literally had 100 drinks last night.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
