I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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