Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
