He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize