but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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