i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
