That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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