oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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