i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
