Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
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I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
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No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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