I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
