i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
