look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Randomize
