OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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