I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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