Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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