woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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