when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
