So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Randomize
