We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
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