So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Randomize
