You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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