I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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