Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Randomize
