He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
