after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
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Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
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Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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