Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Even my vagina gasped.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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