We're like a lot better than the average bears
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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