I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
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How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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