I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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