I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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