u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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