Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I am midnight drunk by noon
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize