so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Just pee around me
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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