We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
