the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize