my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
