So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
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