Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Randomize
