Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I met the friendliest cop last night
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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