I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
