After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
