The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
