the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
