No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
My apartment stinks of burning failure
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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