idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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