my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
