He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
