It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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