Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
