god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
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