I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
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