so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
