so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
