He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
